My love,

I am so very sorry that throughout the last year, I lost my mind and heart in our relationship, only to realize one thing, YOU are my true love and I can’t love anybody else like I love you. The only good thing is, we couldn’t break up, however hard I tried to!! But I have to admit it, even I can not stay without you for long, I have to have you with me, and I know it for sure now that YOU are the one I want to spend my life with, because no one else can make me as happy as you do, and seriously, hats off to you for how you took it all. Now tell me, How do I make it up to you? You know I am a changed person now, I can’t come forward and tell you all this, sometimes you can just write and tell!!

If I don’t meet you one day, I start missing you. You remember today when I was sitting in your car and you went to that shop, how I kept looking at you smiling till you came back to me? THAT was the moment I realized, I have to capture you forever, you are so charming, you still make my heart race!! I knew right then that I am still madly in love with you, however hard I try to push you away, I can never stop loving you. Even if I go somewhere else without you, I will come running back to you after sometime because I can’t get enough of you, yes, I love our fights, our little conversations, how we understand each other so well without speaking, sitting in a group of friends, and winking on our private jokes and other little things like these.

I did feel that I was out of love, but I never stopped loving you, and time to time, I keep falling for you, all over again all the time. It’s been 3 years now love and you should very well know by now that I am not going anywhere without you, I am going to stay right here with you, supporting you in everything WE do to make our life better.

Please do me a favor love, forget all my mistakes, never talk about them ever and lets just move on and live each day as it comes by being together, you know how it helps when you are just around me, you are my confidence. And lets not think what future may bring, lets just live the present and never expect anything, and I know we have come a long way in these 3 years, from being juvenile to grown-ups(for god’s sake, we turned 22 :-O ), and things change. I am happy we grew stronger  in our relationship, touch wood!!

Now I feel silly in love again, thanks to some positive energy we managed to grab!!

I love you, like I did before, Like I still do!!

:-* :-*

And it made me happy to recall that we have wished each other “Good Night, Sweetest dreams!” every night, even after we fought, ever since we got talking, feels like a record.. Its amazing how Silly little traditions that we made and still follow…

“Happy 3 Years my Love, cheers!!”

Neways, the point is.. It hurts to be in love..
Thr r expectations… and then there are realities.

And if it is really love what he claims of, why the hell dont I see any improvement in the connection we should have shared.. its like, If i have told him that i have stopped loving him, does that mean it is OK for him to stop loving me, because what I remember is winning him and making him fall in love with me, when he did not have any feelings for me.. and how I wish, he could win me over… or atleast the TRUST that i have lost, and maybe give me back my FAITH in love that I once had, that I have lost completely.

Honey when you doubt my love for you
Looking in my eyes what I’m going through
Even if we change and fall out of
You hold my hand and it’s better than love

Save me from myself
You got my back when I need help
It’s no one else in the world
You will always be my guy

Sometimes dreams they don’t come true
I was scared that night when I met you
Well I stayed patient and I stayed kind
Telling you to take your time

Turn my life around
You made it okay to let you down
There’s no one else in the world
You will always be my guy

So when I’m walking down the road and feeling fine
Can’t understand the things you do
Nothing turns out the way we planned
I’m  still ur baby and U’re still MY man

Save me from myself
You got my back when I need help
It’s no one else in the world
You will always be my GUY

I am in love, no doubt, but these days I can not stand his talks. I dont know why, there are things that irritate me and I dont even know what they are. I dont want to lose him… I wanna be with him, love him like a mad, shower him with him. But I guess these days I m the one who needs love… I have no love in me to give… I was giving, giving and giving.. and now when I m going through a bad phase, and there is no love within me to shower him with, I can’t even feel his love, It feels as if till I was able to show love, he was there with me, and now, when I need the real love, I can not get it back, or maybe I cant feel it. Everything in world seems dull to me, pointless, meaningless, even when he talks about music, movies, I feel this defiance, as if I hate everything he likes, even myself. Its SICK… I wanna get out of this SICKNESS.. its eating me.

I love him, and want to make up for all the times I’ve hurt him, but can’t he see that I need love, he never does anything that pleases me, or he doesnt know how to make me happy, he says he loves me… DOES HE ? Or is he just fond of me? I dont know, but I cant feel the real love.

(well, this is something I wrote a while back, DONT MEAN IT NOW… I already said these exact same words to him, and we happened to work everything out… He has been really patient and understanding through all this, and now I know, Our relationship is a strong one, we cant and we wont give up on us so easily.. as we know, No relationship is a path laid with flowers only, thorns accompany too. )

Sometimes I feel like talking about every nonsensical thing in my life with him…Like which is the most comfortable position while sleeping.. like which brush do we use… like wht is the first thought that strikes in my head after waking up in the morning..its all about him now.. I want to live his life… I want him to live my life….like we are living together.. I love him… I love him a lott… I don’t want these moments to go away just in a flash.. I feel like remembering every little moment I spend with him.. I want my love to come out and rain on him…and let him feel the love…all the craziness..I want to go nuts all over him!!! But what stops me?? Maybe the expectations I make… like if I do this.. he should react like this n that.. I should forget the expectations.. let him react anyhow he wants to.. even if he reacts coldly.. let me give my best to him.. and see if it maters to him….I shall give in my best of the best..!!!! I am coming back to me…thanks to him… !!

After 1st semester exams… We used to chat whole night, even when his mom has come back.. I told him about my past relationship…. My friendships… And about my life.. And after knowing him, i could only think about one thing, he never matched what i had always imagined, but i started believing, whatever he was, he was perfect… I found something perfect about his imperfections ( tht others tell me about, i am really unable to notice them) and that was when i knew, he is the one. I love him.

I was falling more in love with him.. Every time we met.. Every time we used to talk, i was living him.

When our second semester started,

Dates i don’t remember…

Our second semester started, we used to chat all the time, stay in touch, keep discussing things, more of my efforts to come up with new new things to talk about. I even had his schedule, to match the classes we can bunk together to stay together, till now, i was not sure if he was in love with me, he was not, but he certainly liked to be with me than with many others. Atleast i gave him a comfort zone, and i was happy about it.

He used to say things that used to give me hints, hints like he wants to be with me sometimes, and sometimes he doesn’t.

One thing tht always kept us glued to conversation was music. We used to like similar songs. I should mention that my taste in rock songs were better than his, he was more of a rnb and hip hop and pop person… I gave him many rock songs that afterwards he started liking.

He had to leave for varanasi.. With aunty.. It was the first time after our friendship that we were going apart, out of touch. I was habitual of messaging him day and night, atleast gud night, and gud morning msgs… Whenever he msgd me, i always used to smile.. U wont believe, i even saved all the msgs he had sent me, in my inbox… And i had a collection of 339 msgs from him in those 4 months..but unfortunately one day, when I was going inside the college library in haste, I unknowingly clicked on delete all msgs option in my cellphone, And that day turned out to be a bad one. Coming back to his leaving for Varanasi… I was thinking of ways to occupy him with something that he keeps thinking about me throughout the journey, So, I insisted him.. on keeping my iPod with him for the journey. What he must have thougt I don’t know, but I made him feel as if I was his friend who cared of his boredome while travelling so far. I told him, I already have my laptop which is my music station, so he can take the iPod.. and although he said NO… last day before he had to leave, he accepted it. I was standing near the bus, with Raktima, tuk out the iPod case and gave it to him, with a HAVE A SAFE N HAPPY JOURNEY note written in it… He didn’t tell me if that was sweet, but his smile told me… he liked it.

The other day, I was in college, missing him so much, I was in touch with him through msgs.. Ohh did I mention earlier that he never was a text chat person before, I had forced him so much to get the msg pack activated in his cellfone so that we can chat whenever we want, And I used to utilize it the most.. as much as possible.. hehe..  I was playing dum charade in my class, and I kept texting him asking about some good movie names nobody wud guess, he gave me lame answers, but justified as he must be busy thinking about journey and final packing, and I was there, disturnbing him by my texts… I was in the bus, when his call came, I got happy, content to see that he had called me up before leaving the town, did he call other friends of his then? I don’t think so, so there indeed was something special, he just couldn’t feel it i suppose.

Everynite.. even when he was on roaming.. he used to text me atleast once, be it the simple Gud nite, Swtest drmz msg… Yep, I dnt knw how, this tradition started between us, which we continue even today… The dreams has got to be sweetest… and by the way, Love is the sweetest thing.. !! He never knew this, but he did the same what I did, wished me sweetest dreams. Hehe.. I m Corny, I know that.

I remember his call from Varanasi, and he telling me about things from the village, and how much heat the village had, LOLz… And days went by…

He came back to jaipur.. and we had exams.. we met on the day of our exam… MTT1..

And he gave me back my ipod case… I took it, and he said.. there is a surprise in it.. I couldn’t stop myself from opening it right then.. although he went away giving it to me… I opened it, it had a note.. THANK YOU.. AND ALL THE BEST FOR EXAM… and there lied a sweet black and white bracelet in it… Ohh by the way… white and black are his favourite colours… specially white… peace.. J

I was moved by this gesture from him… I started feeling something special.. and this gave me confidence.. and that is why, I planned to try further…. somewhere I knew that we were meant to be together….. J

So, you see, things were falling into places for me… !!

Its still a long story how we got officially in a relationship…. More On that coming later…! For now, just know that He proposed to me on my birthday, 3rd Sep, 2009.. and that is our official anniversary.. tho I believe we got unknowingly in a relatinship in the month of june only when I confessed about my feelings to him..about my love for him.

You are the one who makes me happy, by just being around me, U don’t need a word to say to make me happy…

Loving you is the greatest feeling I have ever come across till now, and I don’t think I can ever love somebody so much.

I always used to think It was foolish of people who had one sided love for somebody who didn’t even care about that love, But now, I know how helpless it is to be in  one-sided love.. I don’t care if you love me back or not, I cannot stop loving you, Its just that if I get back even a bit of love that I hv for you, I will be more than happy ever in my life..

When I imagine my life with you, I find myself content and HAPPY..  you somehow have become my AIM… I always dream of one dream that has come a lotta times… I see U sitting in a park bench, with me lying in ur lap and you caressing my tresses .. and both of us.. having the aweetest and happiest smile on our face..

I don’t know how much I love you, But I know if I will be with you, I will be the happiest person on this earth, I feel the best when U look into my eyes , and share stuffs about you…

Somewhere I also know that I am a no match for you, maybe you have thought of many more good things in your partner to-be, that I don’t have… But I wish I could become that person, whom you would have loved to be with… Wishes rarely come true, So, all what is left for me to do is to just love you one-sidedly… till I can love you.. and for now, I think this till is limited to FOREVER… !!!!

Cant help it… I M SORRY.. but I love you and I really mean it from the deepest core of my heart !!!!!

Is it LOVE?……or just infatuation or just an attraction……….or may be just FLIRTing……….i really donno

I m waiting…. waitin for my guy..

A guy who loves me more than I can ever do. A guy whom I can hug when I feel lonely. The ONE who can sit beside me and talk to me for hrs and hrs……and when we have nothing to talk…..thats the best part…….he can just keep looking at me……..i don care how he looks……..but I know that he has extremely beautiful eyes

Someone abt whom I can think abt the whole day………thinking abt things which will make him happy…….making every new day a special one for him……who’ll make me feel like Princess……… someone whom I care abt a lot….. someone who can make me feel special…. Someone who can make my world happy…….. someone who cares abt me, who care abt my likes and dislikes………. Someone who can direct me when I m wrong……… someone who can talk to me without the slightest of hesitation….. someone who can be frank wid me wid no matter what in this world……. Someone who can be my life for me and to him I be the world. Someone …………….

Will I ever find him?…….where, when , and how??? Or is it someone who I know but I don’t notice……..or is it someone who am not sure abt……..who is he and how do I get to know………it has happened to me many a times when I feel that YES I m in love…….HE IS THE ONE…..but the next instant I either loose him sumhow or I realize that its not love……..i tol u……….i m never sure

A friend of mine said to me “once u r miles apart………forget it”……..but I feel love has no conditions.

Am I in love if I m thinking abt him the whole day, giving msd calls on his cellphone to tell him that I m thinking abt u?

Am I in love if I relate most of the msgs wid him?

Am I in love if I relate all the songs wid him?

Am I in love if I start liking more of slow and sad songs?

Am I in love when I think “it must be him” whenever my cell phone beeps?

Am I in love if a single msd call or a msg from him makes me jump here and there wid happiness?

Am I in love if I read his msgs again and again?

Am I in love if I cant delete that 1 msg from him………coz its from HIM

Am I in love if I count days abt when I can meet him

Am I in love if I get upset coz he is upset?

I think NOOOO……..is it enough to know that u r in love……….?????????

But what if u r in love but he isn’t…..what will I do in that case…….shud I think that may be he isn’t the ONE?……..or shud I try and make him love me……but is that possible?…..can I produce love in someones heart for myself?…..and even if I m successful in doing that…..will I ever get to know that I have done it?……obviosly he is not gonna come and tell me that he likes me………..neither am i…….i donno when will I get this fear out of me………fear of expressing……….there it ends……

this is my sincere advice to all my frnds who r in love………….never fear to express……….EXPRESS B4 ITS TOO LATE

………….i guess if i cud have done it…………….

I guess I m seeing my GUY in AKS… Will he ever be mine? Sometimes I get happy in all those small things he does,in his small replies,I see a chance… Is there anything at all that clicks between us?

Wasnt it a sweet coincidence that we became friends? If we came so far, cant there be a chance that we go any further?

I just want to be with him,I think of nothing else these days.

 AKS sent me a text,a forwarded message saying BE HAPPY, I told him that I needed a message like that,he didnt reply back,Obviously,this shows he doesnt care about me,and that shows he doesnt love me at all,he doesnt even feel for me,cuz if he did,he would have replied back asking me what had happened to me.. AKS.. I wish you cared.. I love you AKS.. I wont lose hope on this.. My love for you is never going to die,U may call it madness or immaturness,or something very IMpractical,but it really goes like this- I dont care whatever you do or whatever you feel, My love will never end,I may not ever be able to show U but I will always keep on loving you..

I wish god gifts “U”(AKS) to me.. I will be the happiest person on earth then.

I would be able to stand anything,if U will stand with me… My life will get an aim,a meaning.. love you AKS,just be fine.

It starts with me getting admitted in a local top college,which is not so famous in country,but in the locals,it is really popular.

Initially I had no idea it would be a place I will start loving so much, cuz I hated it so much,none among my friends knew about the college. I always felt left out among my old friends n classmates,who were at better place for engineering or commerce,whatever it be.

Then one day, my second week in college maybe, I saw this guy,who I thought was a senior but was equally confused that he maybe a classmate as well.. I adored him from the first sight of his, in the auditorium… He resembled one my earlier crush ‘SSS’ so much that I couldn’t stop staring at him and wished he takes my introduction if he is a senior.

Just the next day in college,I saw him again, this time, he didn’t look that cool that he was looking  the previous day, But even then, I just couldn’t get my eyes off him.

And the next day,God is SO great,he was on his bike near my bus,I didn’t notice him then.One of my seniors in the bus called me down and asked me to give my intro to a bunch of 4 senior guys including HIM.

Ohh, I was so captivated… by his looks,his eyes that were so deep and so….. deep!!!

Although it was somebody else asking me questions,I was answering to him, straight looking into his eyes and was falling for him.

Some days just went by, I was so much wishing he comes and atleast passes a smile to me,but it never happened,I was still confused if he was a senior in real.

Then one day,on my first mid-sem exam, He was sitting in the gallery leading to the back(to the lawn) of the main building,he called me up and said,”I am sorry I took your ragging that day,I am your classmate only,and I was being ragged,and it was my task to rag you,dont mind”.

I said,”I knew it. Its O.K.”.. and smiled back and left.

That was it, after that, no HI BYE,not even any smile passing.

Throughout my exams,I used to go to the library once in the morning,and he used to be there sumtimes, He was mostly in his blue tee,that gave him his name in my group,BLUE,my friends started referring to him as BLUE. hehe.. After exams,I used to follow him sumtimes,as he was my EYE-TONIC, my NSP(NAIN SUKH PRAAPTI).. I had started imagining myself with him.

I never got any guts to go straight to him and start talking.

Can U believe it,among all this NSP thing during my first mid sem exam,I never knew his name,That is the reason we used a code for him,BLUE,LOL.. and on the last day of the exam,My friend,my confidant in college(will call her ART here in my blog) challenged me to ask him his name,and I couldnt..

But again,GOD IS SO GREAT,My friend in the bus ( MADDY) started talking about him, and told me his name(the name s AKS) and believe me she had no idea I had a crush on him,she was just telling me like that.. I couldnt stop thanking GOD that day. And the first thing I did after getting to know his name was to message ART.. “GOT HIS NAME,ITS AKS”.. n she thought I actually asked him, but no,it was all a co-incident.. a sweet co-incident… luck-by-chance, SERENEDIPITY !!

And just then,another friend from my group,SHREY,sent me a text telling me she got to know he is a dropper frm bansal and is cousin to one of the girl in the same class as he is… and adviced me to first befriend the girl cousin and then go for him,But no, I cant do that.

Days went by,maybe I was now losing interest in him, and moreover I had almost stopped going to college after exams.

Days just went by,I never saw him again,till next mid sem exams..

I had not attended any of the class till the second mid sem exam, n there were rumours about me in my class… AL left the college and similar craps,and that I was debarred from exams,but I spoke to my teachers and sat for the second mid sem exam.. Then,MY real college fun started,I made a beautiful group,during the exams only,The group consisted of ME,MON,MITHOO,KATE,ART,APSARA,KANI.All others except me,are from the Computer Science branch,and me, I belong to the ROYAL MECHANICAL… and I m really proud of that.

So, during the second mid sems, I spotted BLUE going for the exam. And I told myself,how could you have forgotten such a crush of yours. Even friends from my group asked me and I said, NO , It was all for fun, I was not serious, I still take him as an NSP… maybe they had a hint or something !!

Kani called him a BULLDOG after noticing him face to face, I dont know why, but even I agreed on that,though now,I totally disagree.

It was after the first day of the second mid term exam that I went online and searched him in a mutual friend list,and was so happy to find him on orkut,I instantly sent him a fren request.. which he approved of the next day only.

I saw his snaps,gawd, they were so nice,or maybe they just seemed nice to me,as I was so much falling for him,I had started thinking a lot about him.

I told all my friends the other day after exam that he had accepted my fren rquest and scrapped me asking if was the same girl from mechanical.. I replied.. yea, I m.. and asked him to recall the ragging intro that I had given him.

His social site profile showed he ws single,still looking for a match,and that he was a simple guy who was among the wannabe kool dudes!!

This is how the second mid term got over,and it was just a week for our EXTERNAL practical papers to start,I started going to college for completing my work,all my due lab experiments and buttering teachers for good marks and getting all my records checked.. It was around then that I noticed him NOTICING me.. and felt starnge,cuz as it is IM not at all a good looker,am only average,Not slim,not SOOOO FAT,scarry faced,but got nice height and persona.

So we started scrapping each other once in two days !! Enuff for a start man..

Our external practical papers started,and on the first day,after the exam,I passed a smile to him,he did smile back but turned away. That was our first face to face encounter.

The other day,after the practical,he was passing by,I smiled at him,he smiled back,said HI and came to me asking how my practical was,I said.. it was good,what about you? He had Mechanical Workshop that day,He said it was fine,he had the ARC WELDING job and did it fine. that was it.

(My mentioning about the ARC WELDING thing is worth a note because call it luck or coincidence,I too got ARC welding in my own Mech. Workshop Practical paper)

The next 2 days, I didnt have any practical,He scrapped,”What happened,all prac exams over? Not coming to college..”

This scrap made me so happy,he actually noticed,I replied, NO, Still have 2 of my paper,on the same day that he has.

So the next day,He wished me luck.. though my exam was not at all good that day,but felt good about him atleast.

And in the canteen,we exchanged SMILES… twice!! And that day he was looking his best in a full sleeve purple n black shirt.

On our second last practical paper,we wished luck again..

and after the exam got over,me and my friends went to Student Development Cell to inquire about the events of our technical cum cultural festival called RENNAISSANCE.

We did so and decided to do something in the fest.

On the last day of our exams, two of my friends had auditions for boot-strapping(group dance event),even I was thinking of giving the audition,but couldnt select a song to dance on.

There I met AKS,even he was giving the bootstrapping audition but couldt as he had hurt himself in a stunt,we spoke for around 15 mins standing there,discussing about events.

The same day we had a road show in our canteen about renaissance awareness and me n AKS happened to talk there as well,a little though.

That day,I got home late,all because I had to stay in college late to see the audition, Aks gave one audition for an event called ADAA(fashion walk competition),while going back,he was on his bike and he baid me BYE in such a sweet way I still have the image of him on the bike baying me BYE BYE…

The same day,I happened to have a sneak peak in my bus mate’s cellphone,which had AKS’S number,that I noted down instantly. I told about it to ART,who was advicing me on ways to start a phone conversation vid AKS.

Things had started working out, I thought. It was going so fast now.

I was getting what I wanted.

And then the next day, ART called me up informing that she was selected in Bootstrapping and she spoke to the coordinator responsible for this event,she had asked her to merge in the guy’s group and make a group to dance together in,and I knew for sure that the group was AKS’S group.

She asked me to give in to dancing and call up AKS telling him that the coordinator for bootstrapping wants us to merge with his group.

I did that,I called him up, and told him that,and he was so confused,he said he will tell me after an hour or so.

He called me up after half an hour asking me what exactly was going on and said yea,it was all ok with him to merge the group.

He again called me up in the evening to confirm that we were merging and inquired how good we are as dancers as guys in his group are beginners,It was same with me as well.

2 days later,we were in a classroom,dancing together on tunes of a bully choreographer..we had formed a group of 3 girls(me,art and shrey) and they were 5 guys. We were looking for all the videos we can perform on n we could never decide…

We discussed so many songs… we danced as well.

The next day,we were roaming to allot ourselves a room for dancing.

And till we got the room,we were sitting and chatting.

And then I got a chance for my ragging revenge, I was taking his intro and asked him about his interest in girls and all, well, he straight away told me,He was not looking forward to make a girlfriend in our college,it was a direct reply to me that he didnt see his girl in me,OK,it happens.

The same day after we finally got a room to practice,we practiced some SALSA step, all the close dancing and stuffs,n I was paired against AKS only,luckily.. we danced,and that was my best day in college then.

Just the next day in college, was to be the worst day in college,he came and told me,we were going nowhere,our group was useless as we couldnt arrange for more girls and even our choreographer was less interested,and then he hd offer from other dancing group,his MSP group.. so, that day we had to break our group and he ended up dancing for MSP…

I felt damn bad that day,but atleast we became friends,thanks to bootstrapping.. LUCK-BY-CHANCE, SERENEDIPITY.. hehe

Next day when I went to college to fill up my external theory paper exam’s form, I didnt notice him,I didnt face him… All because I was still feeling bad about the break up,and after that,he didnt even send any text,just scrapped me once.So the days went by,we didnt talk for many days,he was practicing for renaissance.. and I was home, not studying at all, Roaming all around my town to guide my frnz who had come up from another state.

One day,just 3 days prior to the festival,Me n AKS met online,chatted for around 2 hours and Igot to know, He was selected in ADAA but backed out of it due to dance and then His group was not selected for performance in bootstrapping,so he was left with nothing to do in renaissance,I on one hand felt good, and on the other felt bad for him.

We chatted about music and stuffs,I told him some songs which,the other day I saw on his video’s list on the networking website we were friends on.

Maybe now,we had possibilities of being friends…

On the 1st day,he called me up asking why I didnt come to the festival,I couldnt go that day,none of my friends were going,thats why.

The next day,I went to the festival,Had fun,but he was not there.

And then the next day,He msgd me asking if I was coming for the rock band event,I said Yes,and We met in the college that day.That was among my favourite days in college, we stayed together and hooted and danced a bit,he was standing with me…

This day,21 march,the rock band event show,was really among my favourite days all thanks to AKS.. he was standing with me. my friends Mithoo n MON were getting furious at me for my strange behaviour to them beacause of AKS company,but I was feeling ,they should understand as they were my best friends. Aks was wearing a white tee which had a print of “101 REASONS Y I LOVE U”, I noticed it and asked him,he said,”You dont read it na”.. He was really being sweet that day… I so much had fun with him,just his presence around me made me feel good.

I was looking forward to a more fun day on the last day of the fest,we were supposed to meet then also like in the rock band event.

Mithhoo was angry I guess,she said I was behaving starnge ever since I started being with Aks,maybe she felt I was ignoring them,But I was not, I only needed them more,I wanted them to involve with Aks..

She and MON didnt accompany me wid Aks on 22,they were on their own,n me, Kate, Art, Shrey,kani n Apsara were together with Aks n his one more fren,dancing and hooting together,in a circle.

Before that,when kate,apsara,kani and shrey wasnt wid us,it was only me,art and aks together,trying to have fun,art clicked a pic of me n him together,my first pic with him,n he said it was not good and was asking to delete it,My sweet fren ART,did not… so sweet right?

So, after we formed the circle,Aks kept his helmet in the middle,art put her cam in the helmet and we started dancing around it… on all the songs being played on the stage, caring a damn wht was happenin on stage,LOL.

There was this moment when the song “EK DIN TERI RAAHON ME” was played,it is a perfect song for couple dancing. Kate,apsara,kani had left till then,and suddenly it occured to me,I asked AKS we if could dance close.. he said OK, n we actually danced, for around a minute… we danced, infront of everybody, I cared damn about the coments I was getting, But I danced, WOWOWOWOWOW…  it was my best moment in the college, Art didnt approve of it,she said it was foolish of me, maybe it was,but I felt good in that foolishness of mine. I will always miss it.

That is how the last day of the festival ended, and we have not spoken ever since, its 24th today.. and we have exam starting 2morro,for which, i m not at all prepared,m all lost in his thoughts… I m so much falling for him now, I wish he falls for me as well,I wish he starts loving me, I wish he starts Loving me like mad… I want him to be mine, I love him,Or IS IT JUST A CRUSH.. well, CRUSH, i will console myself by calling it a crush because I think I may not get him.. all I want now is HIM.. I think of him everytime now..

Aks, I want you as a FRIEND atleast…otherwise..I will regret not having you in my life… !!!

25-03-09

Had an exam today,my first semester exam,and I was not well prepared,last night all I did was to watch A WALK TO REMEMBER.. I saw him before the exam,he was wearing a greenish striped shirt which looked damn hot on him.. He came to talk to me after the exam and we walked out of the exam centre together discussing about how our exam was.. and after that,I came home,widout any further conversation vid him.

Today he forwarded a text .. slambook text.. and I told him I like his company and that he is very adorable,sweet and friendly. He is such a dumbo, didnt get any hint from this. And he told me that he thinks I m good,diff from other girls and unique,and asked me to remain the same and that we r good friends,he doesnt message me much,but what he messages,i never delete,cuz its from HIM.. n I love him, its tuff NOT to THINK about him.

Aks,U r such a sweetheart,remain the same,even if u dont love me,never ignore me,i want nothing in return of my love for you,just ur frencip is enuff but this heart is so greedy,always wants more,N it hopes for sumthing more everytime he is around.

28-03-09

Another exam… I again didn’t wish him luck b4 exm… Idiot he didn’t msg me anything, I know he is not at all interested… Today I met him after exam,in college…. N spoke to him for around 20 mins alone,standing in the parking lot,he was looking so very nice today,shirts suit him better than tees,actually he s killer in anything he wears..

We spoke about games,exam,sport,jaipur.. so much in so little time,was he interested or he was just passing his time? I dont know,all I know is that he atleast stayed vid me,and we spoke.. Each moment spent with him memorable

Do u have any idea AKS, there is someone on this earth,in ur own college,who likes you soo much..

31-03-09

I had the worst exam today, physics ..

Met him after exam,didnt want to see him today, but we met.. went to canteen.. and spoke a little, no sign of conversation after that…!!!

Bad day indeed… met Ayu also today,had seen her after so long.. I was in two mind yesterday,between my ex n Aks… theres still a confusion,n I know love has no confusion… SO, NOW… IS IT LOVE?? NO….

Exams got over… N just the next day.. we met online !!
We chatted whole nite… can u believe it, first nite,  7 hours.. chatted abt each other, had put up questions, discussed crushes and love and all… Regular 7 nights.. a week.. Wht not did we chat, we came more closer.. We hung out together.. at a shoppin hub of the city,for 4 hours,he ws just with me,looking at me, smiling at me, arm wrestled wid me,Cared fr me,N at last, I had a 2 km bike ride wid him,I smelled him.. He doesnt knw abt tht.. LOL..

After all these.. at college, we met.. and 6 hours, continuously, we were together,alone,and talking.. discussing life… And even after all these, I m sure he doesnt like me that way, I mean see, I dont look as good, if that doesnt matter,then I guess, I will never match his expectations for his Love.. or will I?

Last night,maybe our last chat, Thts cuz his mom s coming bk, his freedom gone… We chatted abt love, he ws confused, rather frustrated, i DNt know wht he thought abt me, I kind of threw him hints.. N now i m so nervous, I dnt want to lose him as a friend atleast, and after being with him so much, I feel like he is the best guy I ever met, Now I M more thn sure, that I love him like a mad, If I dont get him, I will only regret later in life,not gettin the guy of my dreams, AKS, u make me complete,I only think about you these days,How do I tell it to you, I dont want to lose you as a friend, U r my precious friend, my love, whom I m gonna love forever, Will never ever forget you in life, Whn u r with me, I m just wih you, I dont think about anything else, I m nowhere else than with you, U make me feel special whn U are with me, please stay with me, forever n ever in life.. I will love you more n more with each day…

So, even after  his mum came, we continued chatting, but for 1 hr daily, that came down to 0 now…

And at college, I had best time, hanging out with him for hours…

But ever since classes started, I think he has stopped thinkin abt me so much.. I miss you so much AKS, I have a list of songs to dedicate to you!
This reminds me, he gave me his collection, beautiful collection.. And me too, I gave him my colectn of movies n music, hope he liked them, he did like one song, mere khayalo me aaja, tht ws my fav.. Abt my throwin hints at him, even he threw sm hints and with that, he threw some negative hints as well..

Never mind, I will try my best to get you AKS, I just wanna spend my life with you!!!!